At the time I received this, I was ‘losing’ a very personal and deeply painful battle from my previous marriage. It seemed as though I was powerless to stand against the strength of my former husband when it came to the legalities of the fight. He was at the time absolutely determined to have all the children live with him, although we both had joint custody. They were young, my twin boys just 5 years old, my daughters aged 8, 10 and 12 years of age. I lived for and adored my children. A natural earth mother me. It was his ultimate weapon and he was quite prepared to use it to annihilate me. He also provided in this the biggest test of my spiritual notions of my being that I would ever be asked to undertake.
At the same time my own strength in wisdom and mystical communion was growing apace and so there was a real life spiritual versus temporal scenario playing out, between us two ‘adults’ over a period of about 4 years. Looking back now, it was actually an excruciatingly testing time, I was tested ruthlessly on what I believed in, whether I had the strength of Love to simply extend that Love back, and not to fight back, or make the children who I adored into weapons for war. Could I manage not to succumb to the temptation of ‘hitting back’? Was I actually was up to rising above my small egotistical self in order to walk the talk, when it really mattered. My Lord told me in a piece 4 years later that I had withstood ‘fires of trial and demons dark’, never losing my faith and calling to be tested yet more, as the pressures piled on. I was then told I had a gentleness that belied my strength.
I was given this piece at that time perhaps to remind me of what I had dedicated my life to; in service of Christ, regardless of personal cost and sacrifice, and to remind me gently that what the world sees as weakness, is often the greatest strength of all.
The Only Power to be desired
Is the power to control one’s own thoughts,
And the restless ramblings of a mind unharnessed.
For a mind let loose causes havoc
Within and without.
To control ones self is the greatest power of all.
This is paradise.